


First Port of Call

by cosmic_llin



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Advice, Difficult Decisions, Established Relationship, F/F, Long-Distance Relationship, Pre-Canon, Shenzhou Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-07 07:28:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12228339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmic_llin/pseuds/cosmic_llin
Summary: For a second, Philippa was transported back three decades - in spite of the sensible hairstyle she favoured now and the captain’s uniform, Afsaneh’s confident stride hadn’t changed since the Academy.





	First Port of Call

**Author's Note:**

> With many thanks to rikerssexblouse for coming up with the name Afsaneh for Commodore Paris and to pixiedane for bouncing off my suggestion and generating so many good ideas.
> 
> This story is set in the Prime timeline a couple of years before the events of _The Vulcan Hello_.

The station was larger than Philippa had expected, the docking concourse lively with crews and passengers going back and forth. Afsaneh was there, navigating through the crowd to meet her. For a second, Philippa was transported back three decades - in spite of the sensible hairstyle she favoured now and the captain’s uniform, Afsaneh’s confident stride hadn’t changed since the Academy.

‘Sorry I’m late!’ Afsaneh called as she approached. ‘There was a minor crisis but it’s under control now.’

She reached Philippa, flung her arms around her and held her tight. She didn’t let go for a long time.

Her message had been light and breezy, inviting Philippa and her crew to explore the station she was temporarily commanding while her new ship - her first as captain - was under construction, but the hug was fierce enough that Philippa knew right away something wasn’t right. She didn’t mention it, smiling and letting Afsaneh take her hand and guide her away from the concourse.

They walked through the station arm-in-arm, Afsaneh pointing out landmarks - her favourite breakfast spot, the station’s small but flourishing school, the arena where people of a dozen species played an Andorian sport Philippa hadn’t even heard of.

They were accompanied by a constant chorus. ‘Good morning, Captain Paris!’ ‘Hello, Captain Paris!’ ‘See you at the recital, Captain Paris!’ Afsaneh nodded, smiled and waved at what seemed like almost everyone they passed.

‘You’ve settled in well,’ Philippa observed.

‘I guess I have,’ said Afsaneh, not quite meeting Philippa’s eyes.

In the privacy of Afsaneh’s quarters, Philippa drew her in for a long, deep kiss. Afsaneh sighed against her, tangling her fingers in Philippa’s long hair.

‘I’ve missed you,’ Philippa whispered, in the fleeting break between kisses.

‘It’s been too long,’ Afsaneh agreed. ‘But I’m glad I get to have you for the next four days.’

‘Four entire days,’ said Philippa, unfastening Afsaneh’s uniform jacket. ‘I can think of plenty to do with them.’

* * *

They didn’t emerge from Afsaneh’s quarters again until late the next evening, freshly showered and hungry for something to eat that didn’t come from the food synthesizer. It had been a wonderful day-and-a-half, and Philippa felt loose-limbed and smug, but in spite of how clearly Afsaneh had enjoyed herself, her strange mood hadn’t disappeared.

She was silent, gazing at nothing, as they waited for their uttaberry crepes and took them to a table overlooking the main promenade. She ate three bites of her food before Philippa reminded her that she usually liked them with sugar on top.

‘Oh, yes, of course,’ she said, adding the sugar.

‘Is everything all right?’ Philippa asked.

‘Of course!’ said Afsaneh, mustering a smile.

It had always been like this, ever since they had first met at the Academy. All these years later, they were still each other’s first port of call when either of them had a problem. But Philippa, for the most part, was straightforward about it - she’d call Afsaneh, tell her the problem, ask for her help. Then they’d talk about it for hours (or days over long messages if they weren’t in real-time comm range). With Afsaneh it was different. It took time for her to realise something was troubling her, and even more time for her to figure out how to express it to Philippa.

They had the time, still a few days of shore leave left. No need to push.

After their crepes, they attended an excellent recital by a musical ensemble from the senior school. They returned to Afsaneh’s quarters, slept late the next day, and took an afternoon walk to inspect the refit of some unused cargo bays to make new community space. That evening they had dinner with some of Afsaneh’s senior staff - it was clear that they all adored her. The next day, they explored the hydroponics centre that provided some of the station’s food.

That evening, their last night together, Afsaneh lit candles and had the computer play music, and they spent several hours making enough memories to last until they saw each other again. In the early hours of the morning, station time, they lay face to face beneath the blankets, Philippa twining a finger aimlessly through one of Afsaneh’s curls.

‘So, when will the Victory be ready for you to take command?’ she asked.

Afsaneh’s face fell. ‘It’s not a question of when the ship will be ready. It’s a question of when - or whether - I will.’

Philippa sat up. ‘You’re not sure about it?’

‘I thought I was. When they offered me the command, I was so excited. I could hardly stand the thought of waiting six months to stand on my own bridge and lead my own crew.’

‘But?’

‘But… a lot of things. I’ve wanted to command my own ship for so long that I’m not sure why any more. I’m not sure if I just want it because I’ve always wanted it. Did that happen to you, when you took command of the Shenzhou?’

Philippa looked seriously at her. ‘No. I won’t say that I wasn’t nervous. But I knew for sure that I wanted it. And I could feel that the time was right. What do you feel?’

‘Confusion…’ said Afsaneh. ‘Uncertainty. The thing is… I’ve always wanted to be on a ship, but these last few years on the Lexington I’ve felt less and less happy. More and more lost. And now…’

She fell silent.

‘And now?’ Philippa prompted after a moment.

‘Something unexpected has happened,’ Afsaneh said. ‘I only took this assignment to fill in time between ships, but it turns out that I really love commanding this station. Maybe it’s only because it’s something different, or because I know it’s only temporary, but this is the happiest I’ve been in years. I can’t sleep at night, thinking of how I’m leaving soon to take command of the Victory.’

‘Oh, Afsaneh!’ Philippa pulled her close, kissed her forehead. ‘It’s all right. Cry if you want to.’

‘Philippa… what do I do?’

There were a million ways to answer that question, but Philippa knew what she was really asking.

‘It’s all right to change your mind,’ she says. ‘You’ve wanted to captain a starship for thirty years - so what? If you don’t want to captain one _right now_ , what’s the point?’

‘What if it’s a terrible mistake?’

‘What if it is? You’ll still be qualified to command a starship. In five years, ten years, even twenty years, you could always go back. Maybe not to a ship like the Victory, but then, if you go to the Victory now, maybe you’ll never get another chance to command a station like this one.’

‘They haven’t decided yet who’ll get the station after I leave,’ said Afsaneh. ‘I think if I applied, they might say yes.’

‘Even if they didn’t, there are other stations,’ Philippa pointed out. ‘There will always be other stations and other ships. Take your time. Think about it. But don’t make a choice because you think it’s the one you _should_ make, or because it’s the one other people expect.’

Afsaneh nodded.

‘Come here,’ said Philippa.

Afsaneh let herself be drawn into the crook of Philippa’s arm. A few minutes later, she fell asleep there.

* * *

They said goodbye at the docking concourse, two captains in their uniforms again.

‘Write to me?’ said Philippa, as she leaned in to kiss Afsaneh on the cheek.

‘Of course,’ said Afsaneh. ‘And… maybe the next time you’re in the area, you’ll be able to visit me here again. Maybe.’

‘I’ll visit you wherever you are,’ said Philippa. ‘But I’d like that.’

A last hug, a last smile, and she turned away to rejoin her own ship. She had very little doubt that she’d visit the station again, sooner or later.

**Author's Note:**

> Since Commodore Paris commands a space station in the Kelvin Timeline, I thought it would be interesting to have her doing the same here. I was interested in her scene with Kirk, about how even captains sometimes want to leave, and I wanted to use that idea to flesh out her character a little.


End file.
